Build a positive self esteem

What is Self-Esteem?

  Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. When we feel good within, our performance goes up, our relationships improve both at home and at work. The world look nicer. What is the reason? There is direct correlation between feeling and behavior.

A Moral Story

A beggar was sitting at the train station with a bowl full of pencils.  A young executive passed by and dropped a dollar in the bowl.  He then boarded the train. Before the doors closed,  something came to his mind and he went back to the beggar, grabbed a bunch of pencil, and said,  "They are priced right.  After all you are a business person and so am I," and he left.  Six months later, the executive attend a party. The beggar was also there in a suit and tie. The beggar recognized the executive, went up to him and said, "You probably don't recognize me but I remember you." He then narrated the incident that happened six months before. The executive said, "Now that you have reminded me, I do recall that you were begging. What are you doing here in your suit and tie?" The beggar replied, "You probably don't know what you did for me that day. You were the first person in my life who gave me back my dignity. You grabbed the bunch of pencil and said, "They are priced right. After all, you are a business person and so am I. After you left, I thought to myself, what am I doing here? Why am I begging? I decided to do something constructive with my life. I packed my bag, started working and here I am. I just want to thank you for giving me back my dignity. That incident changed my life." 

What changed in the beggar's life?

 What changed was that his self-esteem went up and so did his performance. This is the magic of self-esteem in our lives. Simply put, self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves. Our opinion of ourselves critically influences everything, from our performance at work, our relationships, and our role as a parent to our accomplishments in life. Self esteem is a major component in determining success or failure. High self-esteem leads to a happy, gratifying and purposeful life. Unless you perceive yourself as worthwhile, you cannot have high self-esteem. All great world leaders and teachers throughout history have concluded that one must be

internally driven in order to be a success. We transfer our unconscious self-appraisal to others and they respond to us accordingly. People with high self-esteem grow in conviction, competence and willingness to accept responsibility. They face life with optimism, have better relationships and fulfilling lives. They are motivated and ambitious. They are more sensitive. Their performance and risk taking ability go up. They are open to new opportunities and challenges. They can give and receive criticism and compliments, tactfully, and with ease. Self-esteem is a feeling which comes from an awareness of what is good and having done it.

Self-Esteem is Our Self-Concept

There is a story about a farmer who planted pumpkins on his land. For no reason, he put a small pumpkin, hanging by the vine into a glass jar. At harvest time, he saw that the pumpkin had grown, equivalent only to the shape and size of the jar. Just as the pumpkin could not grow beyond the boundaries restricting it, human beings cannot perform beyond the boundaries of their self-concept, whatever it may be..

 
Some advantages of high self-esteem

There is a direct relationship between people's feelings and their productivity. High self esteem is evident in respect for one's self, others, property, law, parents and one's country.the reserse is also true.

Characteristics of Self-esteem :

•  Builds strong conviction.
•  Creates willingness to accept responsibility.
•  Builds optimistic attitudes.
•  Leads to better relationships and fulfilling lives.
•  Makes a person more sensitive to others' needs and develop a caring attitude.
•  Makes a person self-motivated and ambitious.
•  Makes a person open to new opportunities and challenges.
•  Improves performance and increases risk-taking ability.
•  Helps a person give and receive both criticism and compliments tactfully and easily.

How do we recognize poor self-esteem? 

What are the behavior patterns of a person with poor self-esteem? The following is a brief list, which is not all inclusive but is indicative.

• They are generally gossip mongers.
• They have a critical nature. They criticize as if there is a contest going on and they have to win a prize.
• They have high egos they are arrogant and believe they know it all.
• People with low self-esteem are generally difficult to work with and for. They tear down others  to     get feeling of superiority.
• They are closed minded and self-centered.
• They constantly make excuses--always justifying failures.
• They never accept responsibility--always blaming others.
• They have a fatalistic attitude no initiative and always waiting for things to happen.
• They are jealous by nature.
• They are unwilling to accept positive criticism. They become defensive.
• They are bored and uncomfortable when alone.
• Poor self-esteem leads to breakdown in decency.
• People with low self-esteem don't

 know where to draw the line--where decency stops and vulgarity starts. It is not unusual for people to tell jokes at social get-togethers but with every drink, the jokes get dirtier and dirtier.

•  They don't have genuine friends because they are not genuine themselves.

•  They make promises they know they are not going to keep. A person with low self esteem would promise the moon to make a sale. Unkept promises lead to loss of credibility. A person with high self esteem would prefer loss of business than loss of credibility because they realize that one cannot put a price on one's credibility.

• Their behavior is senseless and erratic. They swing from one end of the pendulum to another. They may be all sugar and honey today but the same people may be out to cut your throat tomorrow. They lack balance.

• They alienate people and tend to be lonely.

•  They are touchy in nature--this is called the fragile ego. Anytime something is said, a person with a fragile ego takes it personally and gets hurt. It leads to dejection.

Self-esteem does not mean having a big ego. Unless a person is at peace with himself, he cannot be at peace with others. Just as we cannot give to others what we don't have. Unless we possess the components of self esteem, we cannot share it with others. We need to first get in touch with ourselves and put ourselves in order. Even in an aircraft, the safety instructions tell you to put on an oxygen mask on yourself first and then on your child. We are not talking about  selfishness.Self-esteem can be defined as the way we feel about ourselves. Self-image is the way we see ourselves. When we feel good, our productivity goes up.

Causes of low self esteem

We start forming our self-esteem, positive or negative, from the day we are born. We develop feelings about ourselves that are reinforced by others.

 Negative Self-Talk or Negative Auto-Suggestions


Learn Intelligent Ignorance


Education teaches us what we can do and also teaches us what we cannot do. I'm looking for a lot of men with an infinite capacity for not knowing what cannot be done.
                                                                                        --Henry Ford

Henry Ford gave this world the V8 engine. He did not have much formal education. In fact, he did not go to school beyond the age of 14. He was intelligent enough to know there had to be a V8 engine but he was ignorant and didn't know how to build it.  So he asked all his highly qualified, educated people to build one. But they told him what could be done and what couldn't. According to them, a V8 was an impossibility. But Henry Ford insisted on having his V8. A few months later he asked his people if they had the V8 and they
replied, "We know what can be done and we also know what cannot be done and V8 is an impossibility." This went on for many months and still Henry Ford said, "I want my V8." And shortly thereafter the same people produced his V8 engine. How come? They let their imagination run beyond academic limitation.  Education teaches us what can be done and sometimes also teaches us false limitations


 VISION

Why don't people achieve excellence? The big reason is the lack of vision or limited vision. We need to dream beyond what is possible. Everything that we see today was a dream before it became reality. Live with enthusiasm, direction and with a sense of purpose. Do you have a dream? What is your dream? Every day that you live, are you getting closer to your purpose? Get your advice from successful people and not from living failures who will tell you how to succeed.
 

Where the vision is one year, cultivate flowers.
Where the vision is ten years, cultivate trees.
Where the vision is eternity, cultivate people.
                                                               Oriental saying